Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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