Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
