dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
