almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
