Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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