take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
too bad you live with your parents still
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am available for nakedness
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
