i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
