okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
