I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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