Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
