Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
