Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
