guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
