Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
