I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
