She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
