fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
