I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
