WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
