saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
