Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
