So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
