dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
