just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
