U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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