i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
