If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
