i just google imaged poop.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
