Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
