i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
