dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
