new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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