So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize