i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize