Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
