Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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