Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize