Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
