my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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