Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize