If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
