I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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