she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
