I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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