So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize