how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
