When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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