On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
