This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am available for nakedness
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
