I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
