he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
