All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He felt like a one man threesome
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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