Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
