Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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