my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
