i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
