I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize