onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
