I think I won the penis lottery.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
