I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
