the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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