i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
