Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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