I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
