Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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