We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
