nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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