if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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