Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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